A Precious Moment

Today we discharged Beverly from the quarantine center. We knew a week ago that she was COVID negative but we kept her with us as long as we could while Jerry and his team arranged alternative housing for after she left the shelter. Beverly, 64, is schizophrenic and as a result often psychotic. But fortunately for her it is mild and not a violent ordeal. Today was a good move for her. I looked in on her often while she was here and usually could hardly hear her voice when she spoke and she would barely open her eyes. When she sat at the table at mealtime she would talk but it would take about 30 seconds to complete each sentence. And most of what she talked about ended up not making very much sense. Amazingly she had enough self-awareness to keep herself safe out on the streets.

So when the time came for her to go I went up to her third-floor room to bring her down to her transport. She was sitting on her bed next to her baby doll who was tucked in and sleeping peacefully beside her. We gathered up her things and headed out. Right when we stepped out of her room she reached out and touched my arm and gently turned me until we were facing each other. She took my hands into hers looked me in the eye and asked me if I would pray with her. I said I would love to and took a deep breath. I was immediately and entirely aware of how soft and warm her hands were in mine. Her skin so thin and warm. Had I really not held her hand this whole time? It was like holding hands with gramma Grace. She closed her eyes and bowed her head and started quietly murmuring the beginning of her prayer. After a moment as her prayer developed and I listened more closely I realized that she was praying for me. Specifically.And for my safety as I did my work here at the shelter. She prayed for my strength and my protection.

A warm energy flowed over me from my head to my feet, like warm water flowing down over my whole body, and I got the chills. I was deeply moved.

In spite of her psychosis and disconnect with the social order, her divine nature and connection remains very much intact. And in that moment she was pure and whole and well, and shined on me and the whole world just like she was an angel or a baby or some magnificent healer.

It makes me rethink my understanding of the nature of schizophrenia and psychosis. Nothing I haven’t pondered in the past but……wow!  That was like drinking jet fuel.

This beautiful magnificent crazy old woman gave me more in one short prayer than I could pray in a thousand years.We spent that moment together on the edge of the universe, with our toes hanging off the edge, caressed by the soft winds of infinity.

Thank you universe!

I believe this is how we are all always connected to each other. This is the norm. This is the nature of our divine nature.